Updated: Apr 12, 2019
Guys, I am probably the last person to be giving you marriage advice, but I am going to do it anyway 😂 I got married right out of high school. (I will leave that story for another day.) I don't tell you that so you can judge me, but if you would like to, go ahead. What I mean by this is that I never really had the opportunity to learn how to communicate EFFECTIVELY until I was married.
For the first year or so I got upset with my husband over little things, but instead of talking to him and telling him why I was bothered, I just ASSUMED he knew what he did wrong. So I would ignore him all day and wait for him to apologize. When it was bedtime, I would go to our room and lock the door so he knew I was mad and he would have to sleep elsewhere. Some of you are probably thinking, "Oh my gosh this is totally me. I shouldn't do this?" while others of you are thinking, "how immature. Why didn't you just talk to him?" I didn't talk to him because I didn't know what to say. I knew I was upset or angry with him but I didn't know how to put it into words. I just wanted to be angry. I wanted to yell at him, but I knew that wasn't okay, so I just kept everything inside.
Believe it or not, you CAN communicate your feelings without letting emotions get in the way. One way I do this is by starting with, "I feel like..." You need to let the other person know that this is your perception of things, and while it may be incorrect to them, your perception is your reality. This way your partner (friend, brother, sister, etc) knows how you feel.
Another very important part of good communication is listening. Not listening to respond, but just listening to what is being said. You don't need to shoot back something angrily because you don't like what you heard. The goal here is let both people express their feelings without interrupting each other or getting so angry that one of you decides to leave the situation.
Communication is hard, with a capital "H". It does get easier as you do it more, but it still is hard for me to talk about things that bother me sometimes. Does it make me very uncomfortable to talk about things that bug me? ABSOLUTELY. But I find that our relationships are worth a little discomfort to get through our problems. (#maketheuncomfortablecomfortable See what I did there?😉)
It has taken me almost 5 years to finally be able to talk with my husband when I am bothered. You can ask him. Every time we have a discussion about our feelings he always tells me how much better my communication has gotten since we were first married. It is not perfect, but at least it has improved.
What things do you struggle with in your marriage? Comment or direct message me. ❤
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